I left work testerday and brought a pizza home for B and I to share. we sat and ate together, watched some TV. Just spent time with eachother which was good. I have to admit though, its hard to completely enjoy the good times I have with him with the constant wondering of when it will all end looming over my head. Things between us have always been very dramatic. We are always one extreme or the other. When we're good, we're reall good but when it gets bad, its real bad. There is never an in between with us. always one or the other which is hard for me to cope with. I wish we could just be good and stay that way but I know that is not reality and thats why its so hard for me to enjoy the good times. Im going to give it my all though.

The other thing that makes it hard is my parents. I dont think they want me to be with him. They want me to move back home and I feel like I am hurting them by staying. I know I am partially to blame though. Im the one who tells them about the bad times and leave out the good times. Im the one who, when it gets bad, says I may want to come home. Im the one who has come home and left to go back at least once. It's really unfair to them and I feel horrible. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut when it comes to my relationship and my parents. I know my dad is upset that I havent come home. He mentioned it to my mother and she told me. I feel horrible and I have no one to blame but myself. I know that I am 23 years old and am free to make my own decisions but at the same time no one like to feel like they are letting their parents down. I wish there was a way to kepp everyone happy. That, for me, would be perfection.