Today was Matt's 25th birthday. I went to the store and brought a cake back to work for everyone to eat. I think I made his day. He was happy about the cake, but more than that was him realizing that I was there just for his birthday. I wasnt working, I had punched out and everything, but he is my friend and I wanted to do something for him on his big day. He just looked happy and that mad eme happy.

So the company cokout is this Friday. They postponed it because of the weather. I think I am going to go. Matt said he would go. I told him that I didnt want to go alone and so we decided that we will go for like an hour and if it sucks we will just go to Doc's or something.

This boy that I work with (yes another one) asked me if I wanted to go out for drinks sometime. I said yeah but it probably wont happen. You know how people just kind of say stuff? Well, I think thats what it was. If I really wanted to, I could just bring it up again but I think I will just give myself a little more time to get over the whol B thing.

I havent spoken to him. I havent called him and he hasnt called me. We just dont talk which is good, but makes it harder in a way.

Last time we broke up we were both furious at eachother and didnt talk b/c we were mad. That made it easier for two reasons:

1. Because its always easier to be mad at someone than to be sad about someone.

2. When he didnt call, I blamed it onthe anger.

This is different. Im not mad at him which leaves me with sad and hes not mad at me so I cnt use that as an excuse....

Do you see why its worse now?

The other thing that makes it hard is I know he still loves me and I still hve feelings for him. At the same time though, I think I am ready to move on while he is still waiting for me to come home. There is this part of me though that does want to move back in the hopes that there wi be the happily ever after.

I have been flirting with office boy. Nothing major really but fun just the same. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Either way. At this point I wouldnt be disapointed if he wasnt interested and happy if he was. happy but scared at the same time. I wouldnt know what to do. Right now I think I am content just admiring from afar. Maybe Ill feel differntly once I lose weight. Which by then he will probably be married with a kid on the way or something.... That is just my luck.