I am having these bad thoughts about going out with Rick on Friday night. I know if I go Bobby is going to find out and I can only imagine what will happen then. He will tell me how Im gross and disgusting and he never wants to talk to me again and all this horrible mean stuff. I think I might tell him in advance and see what he says. Not that I have to tell him anything but�. I don�t know. I guess I feel like I should.

I feel like I am being pushed to get over him faster than Im ready to and I don�t like that . But then again maybe this is the push I need. I cant hold on forever right? Maybe this will be a way for him to not talk to me. Like before, but this time we will stay broken up. Its just so hard. If I had it my way he would be the one. We would get married and live happily together forever. I just don�t know how I can make that happen, or if its even possible. Im going to try and tell him today and see what happens. Im not looking forward to it though. I can tell you that!