Here is the letter that I sent him:

Nick,

Ok, I feel like I�m in high school right now because I�m doing this but I can�t help it. I just want to get everything out in the open and if you don�t want to talk about it or comment on it you don�t have to. This is just a way for me to get all my feelings out on the table without the fear of your reaction. So here it goes�

When we first hooked up 3 years ago I knew I had feelings for you. I�ll admit that at first it was based purely on attraction but after spending time with you and getting to know who you were and what you were about it was clear that there was more to it than that. There was only one thing holding me back and that was Bobby. At the time he was living in my parents house and that made it extremely difficult for me. I would go out and spend the night with you, only to come home to him crying b/c he was worried and didn�t know where I was. I�m not gonna lie, I didn�t tell him about you. I kept it a secret. Why, I don�t really know why, but I did. Then something got the best of me. Whether it was the guilt of making him cry for nights or that I still had feelings for him� but I ended up running back.

Then, about a year later I found myself still attracted to you and I found that I still had feelings for you and I also knew that you had feelings for someone else. I knew that you had a girlfriend and that you were happy. Everyone told me that I would be wasting my time by trying to win you back, but I didn�t listen to them. The next thing I know I am with you up at Plymouth for the night. I swore to myself that this time was going to be different. That I wasn�t going to let Bobby interfere again. I started to let my guard down with you and that�s when I got scared. I got scared because even though being with you felt so right to me, I thought I was doing something wrong. I didn�t think that I was supposed to have feelings for you. I thought I was SUPPOSE to love Bobby. I couldn�t recognize that I wasn�t SUPPOSE to feel anything. I know now that if I had just gone with the flow and followed my heart you and I would be close to celebrating out 2-year anniversary.

That gets me to where we are now. I have such a fear of screwing up again that I am making a conscious effort to not make the same decisions I did last time. I told Bobby about us for the first time. And that felt so good. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders! You have no idea how great that was for me. Don�t think that it has anything to do with hurting him b/c although that felt good to, the best part about it was being able to say that I am finally with the one person who has never done anything but make me happy. I�m finally with the one person who has shown me nothing but love and affection. It feels so good to have all of that, and it feels even better to know that it�s coming from someone that I can truly say I love whole heartedly.

Now to the hard part� I�m just going to tell you exactly how I feel. Hopefully I�m not making the biggest mistake of my life but if it changes the way you feel for me then I guess its better we find out now than a year down the road. I love you Nick. I more than love you. I�m in love with you. (Yes, there is a difference, at least in my eyes.) I love the way you look at me. I love how you make me feel like I�m a princess. I love the way you make me laugh. I love that you love me for who I am, not who you want me to be. I love the chemistry that we have. You make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. You make me feel loved. You make me feel so good about myself and about us. You make me feel safe. I know I don�t have to worry about anything when I�m with you and that means so much to me. I could spend forever with you. I know that has to scare you and if your not ready for that or don�t feel the same way, its OK. I want you to tell me how you feel, regardless of what it is. If there is one thing that I always want us to have it openness, honesty, and communication. I want to know that whatever you tell me is the God�s honest truth. You don�t ever have to doubt me. I would never lie to you. That is one thing you can put your life on. All I want is the same in return. I think its only fair.

So there it is. I have to say that I am a little nervous right now. I don�t know what you are going to think about this. I just dumped a lot on your shoulders very early into our relationship. I don�t know if it was the right thing to do or not but its done now. So, I guess I�ll just have to wait and see. Please, whatever you do, be honest with me. That�s all I�m asking for.

I love you.

Melissa